markus i miss u

a relationship should be 50/50: you put the food on the table, & i put the table under the food

third time's the charm! i say as i put the water to boil for the 3rd time after forgetting about it twice in an hour

people allowed to speak french to me: pretty fem girls who want to practice their french; my family; salvatore

only want a record player for flatsound records

no matter how much you warn them they'll still blame it on you

maybe my blue bike was called Heron for a reason

that time of the year again (you are jeff)

my inability to connect with people is concerning

blue i get you

you would think after all this time i'd have gotten used to it

no fucking consideration for my duolingo streak smh

i'm so angry

just remembered i had fish

but i think i can feel it closing in, falling down

dans quoi je m'embarque encore

what about the home in my arms?

i'm like a kid stumbling through spiderwebs & wanting to set fire to all this fucking haunted house

fine i'll just do it myself then

heals

i'm afraid the reason is her

oh to believe

it's not fun anymore

lots of words to say now in french huh

hate when i'm going through stuff i posted & see a misspelling like nooo that's not the kind of person i am i promise i promise (though it apparently is & it's fine)

who wants to be unreasonable with me pls

"i care about you this" "i care about you that" when are y'all gonna say you love me jesus

"we could stay friends you're my closest friend here" yeah like i don't still have your bite marks on my arm stfu

crush ppt needs to be updated

i do love being reassured that my plan is a good one

my classes are just a support group for being tired

endgoal: butch with no social media

one thing i'm good at is seeing the extra space

teacher disappeared again

i do not want to explain what i'm doing i want to do it & for it to work

my fatal flaw may be that i have no time for comments or drafts

code-switching in code

obsessed with coding sorry

is it really outing someone if it's the expected & socially accepted relationship???

if brain not so full of them brain could be full of other things

getting rid of twitter for (almost) good feels very freeing

slowly deleting everything

i hope i never hear the word limerence again

perhaps i made the wrong choice with languages huh

sorry i can't sleep i'm too busy deleting my presence from the world wide web

deleted the cursed app again so all my thoughts are gonna come here again

the kind of person that inspires me - to write, to riot, to disappear

calling your friends for 6h >>>

when j goes to r's apartment after getting attacked & is scared to ask for help from her but r takes care of j all the same & j writes thank you for your love that's it that's why it's the best book i think

in what is commonly called, limbo

i think it's so funny every time i learn that me & him have one more **** in common because damn we could've really done great things if things had started out just slightly different lmao

roommate: won't be here next weekend so you'll have the flat to yourself :)

me: oh no

yes i have used different colored hearts for different people in my life because like what am i gonna do use the same one? couldn't be me

i'll never know if they die

brain buzzing

cook more things in pickle juice

envie d'aller faire dodo

or is it lol

everything is okay actually

if ******* so bad why brain go :) instantly

do i want to get married? for the drama, maybe

not to be dramatic but i think i might fail

thought i was sad but actually i just hadn't eaten potatoes in a while

i stg why is everything so complicated

maybe i should email her again

being like "yeah idk you know when you're doing something with someone & it's chill or you're just hanging out & you look at them & you're like huh. i'm fucked aren't i. in a very good way? yeah that's feelings"

& them being like "like when i was cooking for you?"

like yes yes exactly like that but also shhh

but we always come back don't we

book book book

it's that "bipolar ii?" time of the year again

i've never heard so on & so forth so much as i do here

idk this seems pretty useless

varje dag the urge to quit

sometimes i think we could've done great things

perdre sa voix

i hate this (unspecified)

a slippery slope

thinking about the cat that adopted me

are all my actions just for the sake of poetry, even when i haven't written in months, even when i think they're not, even when i desperately try to resist it?

if you say anything even remotely blunt & hurtful to me i will turn it into a meme with my friends so it no longer stings every time i think about it & i can just go haha. ha. haaaa.

mosquitos are kicking my ass so bad

hate when they change the layout of my favorite webpages (translation dictionaries)

the urge to add "i think" to a statement i am, in fact, quite certain of

fatima daas!!!!

she's a 10 but she keeps sending emails to the advice podcast

oh the body & its messages

wrist acting up again

double-fisting beer & tea (as a creative process)

if i can't dance in my underwear while cooking i don't want to cook

mais comment on en parle quoi

face update! [pic of the same exact face, hair & outfit i've had for 5 years]

a little annoyed but it's cool everything's gonna be fine

yesterday was all kinds of tender

people not texting back when it's something important + time sensitive make me want to st4b someone

just tired

faire bobo ça restera toujours à lui

when i'm ***** i just want to tell everyone i love them haha

gosh this communication stuff? hard

another thing about me is that if you send me a picture of you in a suit i will respond with "SUIT" before anything else

sometimes things are pretty easy actually

one thing about me is that i will not ever hug you or hold your hand or have my hand on you without stroking you at least with my thumb

le sang qui bout comme une marmelade is a good line idk

i feel like a 14 y/o boyyy this shit is ridiculous

thank you to the mean lesbians

thinking about fatima daas & her translated-into-ten-languages-and-adapted-into-a-movie first novel

i can't believe my number 1 reason why i should maybe get some therapy again is to talk about all my feelings around language & languages like this should not be the center of my discomfort in life

things are fine actually

fracasser

if you see me losing my mind over these essays no you didn't

adumbration

when academic papers are less than 15 pages,,, so hot

just realized none of my characters in my novel have glasses (or like i haven't mentioned it & didn't envision them with any when taking my little notes & stuff) & it feels so strange

like why/how did i omit this? literally most people in my life has glasses including me idk why i'm writing a no-glasses universe smh

ravioles >>>

yesterday went well??!! i missed that

hearing her rings fall >>>

yeah it feels shitty but it's also probably fine actually

"tu vis comme un sims un peu"

thinking about anne sylvestre watching portrait de la jeune fille en feu again

grrrr

i Will cry over this

like not a single german word left in my head

why don't i speak german anymore hahaha i hate this

deleting insta & doing duolingo every time i feel like going on insta instead

am i just re-doing the same shit

again?

i'm not saying i've been feeling good these past few days because of /that/ i'm just saying there's an interesting correlation here

i really hate everything about ***** *****

performance art where i just walk away

lui parler c'est un peu comme parler à un mec cis c'est beaucoup de flattering his ego & noding when he tells you how smart & confident & likeable he is

aaah i could go see him in berlin!!!!

screaming crying because i'm not fluent in 5 languages yet

the bomb could've been such a screaming angry song but no it's a slow..

i think florence + the machine could scream a little more

the sweetest feeling is when i don't have a crush on people anymore & they're just cool people i can interact normally with without my brain going "hmm what if they see write through this very normal message & realize you're crushing on them & then hate you for it"

i hate when people see me people should stop seeing me

making a friend read part of my novel for the first time. * screams *

un jour i'll have an anne sylvestre themed tattoo

anne sylvestre qui chante pour un portrait de moi,,, sa voix is so full of emotions gosh vraiment une de mes chansons préférées d'elle

trust in the creative process (getting *****)

i want to speak all the languages but i also don't learn the languages so that's a problem

all this writing doesn't change the outcome

honestly i'm missing like two chapters or something but i don't know how to make them work smh

mordre

something about [redacted] really makes you realize how we are all nothing :)

the knife again

just read a book in one sitting again!! (for future reference for when i no longer remember: love me tender, constance debré)

no one's native language is latin...

?

making soup is good

predictability huh

lesbian visibility this lesbian visibility that,, what about lesbian kissability huh? i don't wanna be visible i wanna be smooched!!!

happy birthday lesbians

when they tell you they like how you smell & how your scent mixes well with the citrus-y scent of the blood oranges >>>

thinking about that big oversized blue sweater... i miss you

"translation is the most intimate act of reading" (spivak 1993)

if i send you a message chances are i've 100% forgotten about it in the next 5 minutes

it was all going to come to this: gymbros

drinking protein shakes with m** like life intended me to smh

screaming crying etc thinking about her visiting me like what incredible

the thought they exist(ed) in the same universe!!!!

anne sylvestre a vu portrait de la jeune fille

& ça l'a tellement touchée

qu'elle a écrit un message à céline sciamma

brain,,, shush

i love a hopeless-but-we-still-make-hope series

dAMN severance is good though

hate when you're trying to develop a new crush but the internet gives you nothing

pits & pats & pots of despair huh

the internal & infernal shame & embarrassment of getting the channels mixed up

no

dreamt i was in a videogame/gang movie where we were running away from people & my sister died ://

on marche sur la tête

my life soundtrack is just the resetti music from ac ww

if i hear "you're valid" one more time i'm going to break something methinks

"sexism against men" ?? ma'am

så så full av kärlek till mina vänner!!!

some people are just so very bite-able

tattoo time

big rest before tattoo tomorrow hopefully please universe let me have it please

oh no what if they don't come over :( jag skulle bli lite ledsen

my toxic trait is starting to learn a new language before i actually master the one i'm currently learning

moi & v**** passion décaler notre rdv

just found le roi soleil with english subs in not shitty quality so Yes i will force my friends to watch it

rain rain rain rain rain

j'y pense (le roi soleil)

hahaha do you ever realize you have like 0 connection to your life hihihi

writing my essay in two parts which are "being without a name" and "being nameless" like they're two completely different things that entail different effects because i am, indeed, insufferable

"you sound like a mitski song right now"

no religion, only chaos

dreams i shouldn't be having >:(

i think maybe if i had to change name one day i wouldn't want to choose it. like maybe have a say but also, a name is so much linked to social relations that i think it'd be important for me to have the people i love & who love me decide on a name. idk there's just something about a name being given that warms my heart.

diam's though >>>>

if you're not talking about getting married with your ex; reconsider

3rd season of hannibal lost me i no longer have any idea what's happening

might just scream

all my friends living their best lives!!!!!! i'm so here for it!!!!!! i love them so much!!!!!!

why such cramps am i ovulating aGAIN

the fact it's day longer is now fucking me up because now it's still daylight & i'm like "huh it must be 4pm or something" & it's like,, 8

it snowed!! but now it's over :(

when are my friends getting married i really wanna go to a wedding

so a friend i don't talk to that much anymore just answered my story with "i do the same things as you but you always do them in a cooler way i'm sick of it" & i,, don't know what to say?? like also she only sees what i post like?? of course it's gonna look "cooler" but also wtf does that meaaan like how do i do things "in a cooler way" i'm honestly confused grr

imagine your last name is slaughter,,, i'm jealous

gay butches love wearing sword earrings & looking cool in class huh

anytime anyone is older than me i go grr

i think the fact i need to put on pants to go make myself food is one of the main obstacles in my life rn

what if... me... in the ocean...

"* likes messages & never answers *" my brother in christ you're the one who asked my thoughts

if i ever publish a book that's like in bookstores & stuff you're allowed—nay, encouraged—to st**l it

oh to have late-afternoon-that-seeps-into-night conversations in the yellow kitchen of an old house in the country while drinking wine & eating chocolate

what if i, haha, made 26 of them

sometimes my browser will register that it should for some reason be in norwegian & i know this is the consequences of some action i did when i was learning norwegian 5 years ago but i just don't know what

hélène cixous writing about crêpes pendant des pages was not what i expected but perhaps the hero i needed & deserved

game called "how many books can you read over the same period of time before you actually finish one?". there is no winner. only me & i am losing so flagrantly.

okay okay okay but wait s3 of hannibal starting with our dear riding his little motorbike & then s4 of killing eve starting with our dear riding her little motorbike? gay

the dangerous & tempting game of having as many tabs & windows & projects open at once

killing eve just hannibal for lesbians

"i need advice with the man i'm seeing"

love the only advice you're getting from me is: don't

any time anyone says "my boyfriend" my brain shuts off

another win for me making every single one of my assignments as gay & trans as i possibly can

a language is a box that traps you. even if it's see-through. even when it's see-through.

idk but every time i read rs i want to scream all over again

the internet is a grave site

every one has the same name

tuesday/thursday will be the end of second-language english speakers won't it

also i should be sleeping because i gotta get up early tomorrow but brain said !!!! thoughts !!!!

the concept of b*r**l is so funny to me because it's like, if i had to show my friends a pic of what i'm doing at a random time everyday it would absolutely be the same pic always & then they would Worry

listen there's just so many people i'll never meet & i'm like okay that's fine but then to meet people & know you could've been friends with them but life didn't push you hard enough together so your paths just kinda crossed & faded away: infuriating

i am sometimes so mad at the circumstances of life

some people i just wanna be their friends so much grrr

the way 90% of my poems start with 'I' :|

a reason i like sweden is also a reason i hate sweden & that is the way it makes it so hard for [redacted]

what if i (hihi) canceled all my plans for the upcoming weeks

ngl i miss my books

gorgeous gorgeous people out in the world

looking up how to break up with your th*******, as i do

i could never do that thing in series where they're like "you don't have to talk to me right now, but know i'll be sitting here until you're ready" because it's like,, five minutes in i'd have to be like "oops sorry gotta pee, i'll be right back"

something about people loving the people you love that makes them so lovable!!!

all i want is wear suits & be handsome

might just lose it again, you know, for fun

en fait les aprems avec a*** ça me manque tellement genre c'était si chill & doux & simple & ugh i miss it :'(

but honestly y'all i'm so tired

my great aunt sent me a postcard & she tells me about how the winter was not so bad & now she's starting to go back to looking after her plants!!! so good!!!

i like when people write letters or postcards & they write the date & the place i think it's very good

she brings so much joy to me

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

alright time to write * cracks knuckles * * cracks neck * * cracks toes * * cracks hips * * cracks knees * * cracks shoulders * * cracks back * * cracks

well, you gotta do what you gotta do * proceeds to listen to music linked to them & remember all the memories so i can pull a damn chapbook out my ass in ten days *

if you say "between X and X pages" do not also say "give or take"??? grrr

well yes i know technically i should let it go but also it haunts my poems in a way that makes them good

not me about to enter a writing craze again

what if i, um, did another abecedarium

eliot & pound had gay sex

why tf do you pronounce the x love

incredible wow

aaah when you get a reference!! like you know a thing & then you read to thing it references & you go :O :O :O

tonight was such a good evening

about to scream about the stockholm masters though it seems so,,, interestiiing

"i think reinvention is a form of avoidance" hmm

my love language is the donkey carrying the little sheep

so tired of the way people in movies/series have s** so easily like get tf out

ja so i think i hate the novel i've been writing hihi oops

someone just accept my translations plEASE

maybe,, maybe i understand what they meant

people are making good art, still, always, forever

thinking how i singlehandedly killed my class's discord intro channel by being too funny

i, too, want to receive compliments on my art

i don't know any other word than good oops

gonna have to watch hannibal one of these days

yknow sometimes things fade & it's okay & you can think back to sitting on the wall looking out & chatting but it won't bring back the times & it's okay

can you believe she's dead?? tragic to me

fancy fancy glasses but is any of this me?

i am king yknow

what if i went to like, idk, london

thinking about pr*****

crying listening to anne sylvestre kid songs

(again)

envie d'aller à désertin grr

about to burst vraiment faut que j'aille visiter d'autres horizons but also do like some grocery shopping

baudelaire said it first but il est l'heure de s'enivrer

(****king & complimenting people because i am, in fact, cool like that)

imagine living in the us

man i wanna know all the languages so much i might cry

mon dieu comme j'ai envie de pain

400 for a concert??? mon dieu

j'arrête pas de penser au fait que secret ça se dit hemlig/heimlich/etc genre vraiment the link with home is so so close

but it's just.. it's him. it's still always him, annoyingly, achingly, but still

deleted insta from my phone again ayo

i might scream

wanna be gay in a little gay way!!! grrr

sometimes i will go days without listening to anne sylvestre & then i'll start again & it will bring tears!! to my eyes!! because gosh i love her

anne sylvestre!!!

oh to eat soft cookies with a pal & share the last one

i don't need to listen to ten minutes of your bullshit i need to listen to ten minutes of relaxing whale sounds but HERE I AM

jellybeansoup

break me open like a pistachio

no caring only daring

listening to icp again

i'm losing my mind

my brain!!! my braiiiin!!!

no tattoo today

puzzles as an act of transgenerational love

but also who do i want to be who do i want to be

My mother said I could be anything

I wanted—but I chose to live.

i can actually do whatever tf i want haha what?

the desire the shed my theoretical skin off & build myself anew

feeling feral & foul

the way looking up my name & seeing people like my poetry makes me go !!

the incessant need to scream

i didn't know how it worked back then & i probably don't know how it works now because i am, indeed, 85 years old

runaway bride! or groom i guess?? but it seems like The Internet (understand, wiktionary dot org) only knows of runaway brides smh

okay but what's like the opposite of elope

i'm not saying this is what's happening but you know when flatsound wrote

and i’ve convinced myself

that you still talk to me

in the form of sylvia plath quotes

left in places you know i’ll see

well i think about that Often

(my brain)

absolutely unhiiinged

honey honey are you okay? you haven't completely remade your internet persona in a few weeks :o

thinking about you cannot kill me in the way that matters

remember when in your little insta notif page thing there was a side where you could see what people you followed had liked? thinking about that

i just wish all of this could be true for once

listen maybe my brain is just full of one thought (him) & maybe it's full of many thoughts (all the other things in my life) but the thought of him sounds like the least threatening so far because,, reasons but also,, will we ever talk about It? will i ever be able to?

okay but when i drink & close my eyes it's like i'm only in my body like there's nothing else & that's kinda good?? idk

we should bring back humming

am i seeing anyone? love the only person i'm capable of seeing rn is a therapist

oh to lay in grass & drink red wine from the bottle & want to kiss you

brain going down?

oh to sleep

didn't get tattooed so this day is not a good day for dykes

i am so tired of thoughts

someone complimented my lesbians against transphobia sticker & someone else complimented my many rings so i guess today is a good day for dykes

only using words like ravenous when talking about desire from now on

the way the light in the bathroom struggles to blink on—that's how i'll love you

bleeding my guts out every two weeks & not being obsessed with cannibalistic/hunger themes in queer love & sex? i can't imagine

if you don't want to absolutely consume in the most tender way the person you love,,,, why

i stg it's so easy to love people like i'm sorry but imagine not loving people you just look at a person & then they do whatever thing that is very Them of them & that's it you're in love

therapist said why don't you try meditating bitch

are my sacrifices not extravagant

feels like i'm going to ***

many thoughts & tangents in this class

we are 5 people aaah

jag är så trött

i love lesbians

if you're gonna bullshit your essay you might as well make it gay

i think i really want to stay in sweden

sorry to my neighbors who have to listen to my music change vibes every two day i wish i could offer you consistency but i just can't

choas chaos

the lesbian urge to become immortelle pour avoir une épée

"I'm sorry. We know how it works. The world is no longer mysterious."

j'en ai vraiment marre d'être leur bouquet mystère

someone keep me from messaging him istg

had a dream i had plants to water

hate poets

love some communication

lil panic at the minor inconvenience store

dreamed about camp rock

i'll be honest,, certainty is an unknown concept to me

so many documeeents

will i see you again

not kennyyy

a very lesbian move

every time i see vg i get PUMPED

i don't know how i'd get through another move though lmao

nothing like waking up from a traumatizing dream at the exact moment before it gets better :))))

the way i picked up on her facial expressions & ways of talking & acting so fast TERRIFIES me like i am really a void to fill with whoever i'm hanging out with's personality

writing this essay à la zeub with zero quotes & no notes, only what i remember from the books we have to compare

you know you're in for a ride when you're thinking about presents to get them

my type is people who want to get me into biking

brain said i will know things but be convinced i know nothing

keep dreaming i'm being chased or killing people or both

the way there's really 0 info about her loving women on the whole internet except ~30s of an interview smh

2022 la défaite des homosexuel.les :(

archives archives archives

anne sylvestre & her gf

actually nvm i have no expectations so technically it's already living up

when will france live up to my expectations

with some people things really don't work like any sentence either of you say turn into conflict

anne sylvestre!!! her mind!!!

n'oublie pas ma dauphine à quel point je t'aimais

toast

lots of thoughts! none of them make sense! all of them loud!

i think maybe one should deal with their own guilt by oneself without necessarily trying to get confirmation from the other person whether or not they should feel guilty or not like idk

but he's the only one i can tell!! the only one i can rant to!! the only one i trust because what's the worse that could happen after that!! who else do i turn to!! i'm going to scream!!

nov-dec is the spotify blindspot. listen to that bad song on repeat. no one will know.

gbg: negative degrees

me: no haiiiir

first reading went so well!! everyone is a sweetheart!!

no thoughts just a yearning for blue jupiters

si c'était le dernier snaps so hard even 12 years later

lina hurtig

busy being butch at the game

going to watch soccer with other butches

today is a win

can't stop listening to podcasts

the way french teaching languages is so against teaching people how to speak naturally & so for teaching people to speak like a book smh

we have so much more to live

think i just burned myself with shower water because of the contrast with the cold outside oopsy doopsy

au delà d'être une autrice incroyable en plus

fatima daas la plus belle vraiment

forever grateful for olive oil

forever grateful for the cnrtl

oh gosh i haven't driven in a while oops

imagine this working out though

i just received an email, read it, & proceeded to reply to it instantly. so yeah, you could say i'm doing alright.

why are cishet white guys always so obsessed with election politics

"personne utilise iel" more like you have no nb friends smh

thinking about the 10-page essay i wrote in a day

the sweetness of responsibilities resolving themselves >>>

brain no understandy

oh to be gone

i don't want him to be my person anymore but anytime anything happens he's the only one i think of telling

naps

give me the gentleness of friends pls

artists be like "idk how i feel about you" & then exploit your relationship for artistic potential

imagine not thinking about anything

do all artists feel like they're lying?

0 nouvelles de mes potes ahahaha oh well

i just want to be somebody's reason to think thank god for lesbians

i'm going to scream

i've eaten way too much toast these past days

every three months my life repeats but in a new setting this is fun

the problem is i know all the moves

en fait hâte d'être une vieille dame & d'écouter je suis une vieille dame en buvant du thé & en pensant à anne sylvestre qui sera morte depuis longtemps mais encore dans mes oreilles

when in doubt, don't do that

things i want: to run

want to scream

when it doubt, do something

back to being mad at how incapable of having feelings for people i've become >:(

20 bucks le petit mont d'or mon cœur pleure

sleeping with a pile of clothes at the end of my bed so i can pretend the weight is a cat sleeping by my side

stop thinking honey

why is this so complicated ohlala

"i have an idea" is my least favorite sentence

about to create my character's apartment on the sims because i am Dedicated To Writing or something like that

moomin butch

really f4cking played myself on this one smh

the highschool drama NEVER ENDS

love looking at mouth diagrams trying to figure out how to make sounds

manifesting people accepting my rs translations

the way my brain goes back to the oa all the damn time

"ask the hard questions" i repeat after reading my costar, as i ask impossible & useless grammatical clarifications in class

purée c'est trop dur je m'endors

thinking about k3x

anyways, names: pretty cool

thinking about how in miraculous le papillon gives their names to the villains & so the power kinda resides in the names

"looking forward to it," she wrote, completely shitting her pants.

forgot you had to poet to be a poet

hadn't listened to flatboi in a while but it is exactly tonight's mood

merci le mousqueton

thinking about her & her voice (eva)

thinking about her (anne sylvestre)

i will forever have so much tenderness in my heart for her

je suis le pa pi llon

"you can't just be with someone because you don't want to hurt them"

book out book out book out

donnez maison d'édition qui publie de la poésie en traduction grrr

want to delete the whole end part i wrote a few days back it just doesn't fIT

must we really live, & i hate to say this, in a society?

book out tomorrow wtf

too many things to do aaaah

when someone criticizes the book you recommended them & you feel like their esteem of you has probably plummeted & now they hate you

about to take two extra courses for next semester because i, indeed, am capable of studies

book out on monday book out on monday

numbed out about that cancer shit

book printed book printed book printed

thinking about how one of the first things the girl i met with yesterday told me was that she expected me to be taller :))

omar rudberg? a sweetheart

grave la flemme là en fait oops

thinking about archives

he left them!!!!

my kitchen-mate moved out i hope he left the nems in the freezer

things go fast oh no

iels ont dit ok pour une lesbienne mais faudrait pas trop la voir quand même >:(

the lesbian content in l'amour est dans le pré is severely lacking c'est scandaleux

i'm jealous because he gets to go on with his *** **** & i'm stuck

no thoughts only love for my friends

thinking about him (le piercing à l'arcade)

the take on asking pronouns in french is usually "don't & just listen to how people gender themselves" but that can't translate well into english so hm

feeling, what do you call it, joy?

how many languages can i cram into this little brain of mine?

people!! so good!! love seeing real life people in the flesh!!

had a realization about why i'm writing this novel & it just proved once again that i have 0 control over my art & my art has all control over me

oh no my draft email got deleted now i'm back to square one of emailing a therapist

fourchette sternale

y'a des genxes vraiment je vous adore!!!

watching the circle only for the beautiful gay/lesbian solidarity it gives me

my grammar teacher is such a sweetheart

can you rent puzzles?

getting back into dating*

*learning a new language on the cursed owl app

imagine feeling comfortable looking into someone's eyes lmao

making zines with too many colors again cause i just love the fact they get absolutely fucked up when printed :))

yeah maybe i do miss the times of waiting in the cold in front of the l****** & the meetings until late

yeah maybe my brain is romanticizing that part of my life like it does with every other part of my past

miss hugging my tall friends

i want to make art that is full of rest but unfortunately all i write about is grrrr

thinking about the ocean (obsessively)

donnez plage svp

i need to talk to him about The Thing & i ✨ don't want to at all ✨

going through my notes app to write out au propre the poems i got on there is Not Fun!! so many emotions!! gross!!

you may not need memory to survive but you probably need it to live huh

leos on my mind

you can tell how dedicated i was to that relationship by the fact there are four (4) songs in my playlist about her

correction: is creative nonfiction just real-life fanfiction?

is fiction just real-life fanfiction?

so many new thoughts

all tech people

intimidating

does chuck e cheese still exist?

melancholia

about to have a class in a language i do! not! understand

lesbians winning

coming home is the softest phrase

oh to watch ghibli movies with someone you feel safe with

should i have stayed? should i have?

sometimes i think the only reason i'm here is because it was the next step

the himbo chronicles

thinking about how chickens' heads don't move

wish the walls weren't so thin they echo

what if we held hands,, & watched portrait de la jeune fille en feu,, & i could tell you all my favorite quotes from it,,

calling my friends >>>

it's raining for the first time (or perhaps the first time while i'm awake?) since i've gotten here & it feels,, appropriate

it feels like this year is just about me preparing to go back

sorry i can't come to the party i'm * checks notes * working on a novel?

what if men just stopped

dreamt i was with them & then when a left the other a cried in my arms & told me she loved me

men are so annoyinggg

didn't see the atlantic this year that's why sad

also remember when i showed her around my hometown?? incredible

sometimes i remember t w is blurbing my next chap & like htf wow

lmao what if i actually want to live in france though

lesbians!

kinda wish i was drinking wine & talking nonsense with her again

(linguistics is definitely ruining my brain)

idk grammar's kinda cool actually

rien me réjouit plus que voir les traductions de la petite dernière sortir une par une, i love fatima daas so much

thought of the day: butches

i can't believe my room smells like her perfume now this is what i get for taking home the little pschitt-pschitt-ed paper thingy from the perfume store

shoes too small or just too new?

never missed french so much as these days

the fact that tendre is both tender & reaching

alright maybe i do feel a little lonely but i can't be bothered to go out again today

i miss the people i didn't know that well at all which sUcks because it's not like i can reach out to them

seems that my floor is cereal-colored

vingt ans de ma vie à penser que c'était sous les soleils des tropiques but it was sunlights all this time

ensam

thinking about how they punched a bigot <3

no thoughts, only frustration at not being able to get the books i wanted from the library

so many blonds

streSSed

(yes i am thinking about names & languages & the self again)

weird having to introduce myself in english & so using my full first name after the past years of introducing myself in french with a shortened version of it

i am cOld i don't like this

every time i get a new tattoo i spend a few weeks really Feeling Myself like y'all i'm so hot it's incredible

love the idea of people reading my poems

but also

hate the idea of people reading my poems

i can't wait to bake pies & i hope the kitchen has an oven

every time i hug my friends it's one last hug before The Last Hug

it feels so scary getting old

thinking about her often (in a gay way)

erasure poems,,, more like erase me poems

erasure poems,,, i think about you a lot

the world is heavy. crying is good. i just want to nap now.

always hungry maybe i should make fries

gosh france is terrible i hate it here

thinking about leaving is terrifying. i would like to rest. preferably in the bed of someone i love, while they're in the room busy with something else. safety in their smell & their presence.

i miss finding the notes you'd leave me in the morning.

clothes bring me but little joy

i'm getting obsessed with how to code websites damn

sorry can't come to the phone rn, i'm rethinking all my artistic persona

i keep forgetting the pasta water

lots of thoughts. brain on loop